This one goes out to all the knuckleheads out there that have made the mistake of proposing on a whim, or not taking the sanctity of marriage seriously (awesome word bonus… sanctity… it’s just fun to say).
Here is a list of the top 10 worst marriage proposal spots I have encountered in my days. These are real people we are talking about here, not some goofy made up list on Yahoo Answers or whatever that worthless corner of the internet is called. I’m not going to call any of our friends out by name but I can assure you that none of these are Penelope and Bub… I promise:
10. Any restaurant that can be described with the word “fast”
I don’t care if you stopped in on your first date, or if you own a chain of hamburger joints that operates in 40 different countries, proposing at a fast food place is always. a. bad. idea. Think about the story you will be telling all your friends and family for the rest of eternity… “I knelt down right there next to the soda fountain, and the floor was a little sticky, but I didn’t even care…” No. It’s not romantic. Don’t be that person!
9. Your parents’ house
Life lesson: If you don’t have your own place, and can’t afford to rent a place… you aren’t ready to get married. End of story. Proposing while your mom listens through the door of your childhood bedroom is not romantic or special. If you do live at home and still think you are ready for marriage, get your ass outside and find some place that you aren’t within eye, ear or arm’s reach of a nosy family member!
8. Someone else’s wedding
This is in the handbook of all time worst ‘bush league‘ moves that you can commit. These people just dropped enough money for a car/down payment on a house/small third world country on their wedding day, and you are swooping in to steal the limelight?? Ohhh damn, the bride will be shooting daggers from her eyes at you, if she isn’t throwing real ones.
7. Anywhere you and your ex ever went
This one is just flat out dumb. You will talk about your proposal forever. Literally. So don’t screw it up by going some place that you took your ex. I don’t care if its the most romantic place on Planet Earth. If word ever gets to your new significant other… hell hath no wrath like that of an angry woman!
6. Any public building or government establishment
No libraries, no DMVs, no hospitals, no, no no. These place are not “your special place” even if you tell me it is. Pick a new one! The only way this is remotely acceptable is if you have ALWAYS talked about eloping. By always, I mean you have discussed it in detail, including the ramifications of your families not being able to witness the event. If all that is true, then maybe I will allow a proposal in a courthouse right before you make things official.
5. Airport, train station, parking lot, or other miscellaneous transportation hub
Specifically, when you are at any of these places because you are about to be apart. No-go, save it for when you get back. There is no problem with any of these places if you are just returning from a trip or a deployment, or something like that. Then its romantic as hell… but doing the ring and run routine is torture, you want to make sure you have plenty of time to enjoy the moment, call family and friends, and just be merry.
4. Vegas
Too cliche, too hollywood, too many punchlines that can come from this. If you want the marriage to last longer than the plane ride back home, keep the ring in your pocket until you leave Sin City. Better yet, don’t even bring it, there’s nothing good that can happen with an expensive hunk of precious metals and gems in your pocket in a place like that. Nothing.
3. A stadium or sporting event
This one is just greedy. 99.99% of brides agree that stadium proposals are cop-outs because there’s no originality, no intimacy, and because you won’t even be the most exciting thing to happen in that building that day. Plus, the thousands of people around you don’t care to see “Marry me sugarbear” on the jumbotron. I’d rather be answering the trivia question about 1974, or watching people do crazy things for a free pizza.
2. At work
Your workplace, her workplace, the place you propose should be nobody’s workplace. I don’t care if you mowed the words “marry me” into the grass in the middle of the golf course, or if you are a fighter jet pilot that just got back from the most epic mission of all time. The moment is about
And the number one place you definitely should NOT propose marriage is…
1. Facebook
Freakin facebook. Yes, I know someone who did this. He thought he was being creative by hacking onto his (at the time) girlfriend’s account and just changing the status to “engaged”. His girlfriend Sarah (not her real name) started getting tons of messages and texts, and when she realized what was going on, he was on one knee behind her. Not cool guys, there are zero good things that can come from your random high school buddies knowing you are engaged before your fiance does. Don’t do it!!
Hopefully this list helps save at least one poor future bride from a lifetime of embarrassment, or at the very least, makes one thankful for the proposal she did get! Have a funny/ridiculous/really stupid (I love those) proposal story to share?? Post em in the comments!
-Brooks
